I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
