At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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