its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
