I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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