I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
