I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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