Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
if only i could text you this smell
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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