You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
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