I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
