ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the day after is always just damage control
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
