Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
