Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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