Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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