oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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