i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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