Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
