Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
