pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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