Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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