We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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