3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
