my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
