That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
