im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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