I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
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It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
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Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
how drunk are you?
Several
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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