I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
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I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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