youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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