Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We need to get me chipped asap
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
