True but thats because hes a fetus.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
