so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I will pee on everything he values.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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