what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
