and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
