Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
