Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
