i think my mom watched the whole time
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
