imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
