just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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