Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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