wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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