Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
