my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
In other news, I just burned my penis
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
