bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
