I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
God I need to hump something, right now.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
