I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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