I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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