I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
