i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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