Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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