So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
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They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
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The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize