so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
