I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
