So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
