a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
