I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
