oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
