I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
