they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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