If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize