possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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