Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
