I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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