My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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