Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
