Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
