I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
