Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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